you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We need to get me chipped asap
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
