Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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