please come you make the beer taste better
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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