Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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