You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
