I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
