Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
