In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
