fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
