I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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