I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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