How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
