I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Be still, my beating vagina.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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