So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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