Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
