I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
