I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
