I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
