How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
