you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
