I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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