I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
