i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
