she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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