I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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