you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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