nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
