i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
