not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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