Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
