question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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