connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize