Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize