dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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