There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
