apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
