she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I could make wine with my vomit
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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