On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
foreskin is a definite game changer
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
