Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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