I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
