So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
