how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
