if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
