that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
