I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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