just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
