Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
