I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
