6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize