Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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