He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
