i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I need water and some morals
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
