i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
