I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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