Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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