Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
