someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
