I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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