Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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