So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
