Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
