So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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