according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
