Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
