my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize