Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
