Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
