Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
