I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
