I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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