i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
