i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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