yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
