My room smells like vodka and shame
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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