I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
