I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
